The Plus One Dilemma

I have a pet peeve.  Well, I actually have a lot of pet peeves, but this one in particular really bothers me.  During my adult years, as a habitually single woman, I have been invited to multiple weddings and/or formal events without a date.  And it really pisses me off! 

Now, I am well aware of Emily Post’s view on the subject.  According to the etiquette expert…”Allowing single guests who aren't attached to a significant other to bring a date is a thoughtful gesture but not required.”  Well Emily, what’s your definition of “significant”?  Do I have to be married or just living in sin?  Do I have to be dating a minimum of one year because six months just isn’t committed enough? What if I have a kid with someone, but we never got married?  Is that significant?  Ultimately, I don’t care if I’ve been with someone for one month, one year or one decade, the only person to decide whether a person is “significant” enough to accompany me to an event should be ME!

Now, I know that brides and grooms argue that weddings are expensive and budget cuts have to be made somewhere.  I’ve planned three weddings….I do understand!  And with limited budgets, allowing a guest to have a plus one is literally having a stranger take a spot away from a person the bride and groom do know and that sucks.  However, ultimately, I would think that the bride and groom would want their friends and loved ones to be able to relax and enjoy themselves.  And for me, that means not going solo.

Personally, I always look forward to bringing a date to a wedding.  It’s a fun, happy event where love is in the air and everyone looks and (hopefully) is on their best behavior.  And unlike most of my friends, I hate to dance so it’s nice to have someone by my side while everyone else is on the dance floor.  And honestly, why risk being seated at the dreaded “singles” table which has to be one of the most humiliating experiences in life. 

I was 24 years old the first time I received a wedding invitation without a plus one option.  Ironically, my own wedding was to be held only two months later which the bride, who was a close friend, was well aware of.  The bride also knew my fiancé very well which made the exclusion even more shocking and hurtful to me.  Ultimately, I decided not to attend the wedding and my friend never spoke to me again.  That said, I have never regretted my decision. 

For the past 17 years, I have stuck to my rule of never attending a wedding if I am invited solo.  However, unlike 17 years ago, I am no longer shocked or upset when I receive an invitation for just one.  I recognize and understand the challenges facing the newly affianced.  I just hope the bride and groom will understand when I respectfully decline their invitation.

And the Winner is....

Everybody has a favorite season.  Some people love the bustle of the holiday season.  Others live for the warm weather of the summer season.  I,  personally, lust over Award Season.  Yup, Award season, those magical months between the Golden Globe nominations in November and the Academy Awards in late February/early March.  And seriously, what’s not to love?  Award Season is filled with everything I enjoy in life: movies, fashion, competition, parties and gossip.

Now, I don’t like to go into Awards Season unprepared.  Throughout the year, I make a point of seeing every movie released that has even a whisper of Oscar talk about it.  However, my real work begins in December when a slew of great movies are given wide distribution.  And with very few exceptions, I see every movie that is nominated for an Academy Award in every major category, including: Best Picture, Best Actress, Best Actor, Best Supporting Actress, Best Supporting Actor, Best Director,  Adapted Screenplay, Original Screenplay, Cinematography and Documentary Feature.

And Oscar night is a big deal for me.  I am glued to the television for every second of the telecast with my Oscar checklist by my side.  Six years ago, I actually made the devastating mistake of scheduling my second wedding the same weekend of the Academy Awards.  And for a couple of weeks, I seriously considered changing the date even though the venue had already been booked.  Luckily, my amazingly wonderful, now ex-husband No. 2 didn’t complain when we spent the first full night of our honeymoon in our beautiful honeymoon suite, eating room service, sprawled out on our king-sized bed, listening to the ocean outside our room and watching the Oscars (which of course includes the two-hour fashion pre-show on E! Television).

Now, without further adieu, below are my predictions for the 83rd Academy Awards to be televised on February 27^th:

Best Picture
Black Swan

The Fighter
Inception
The Kids Are All Right
The King’s Speech
127 Hours
The Social Network
Toy Story 3
True Grit
Winter’s Bone

My Prediction:  The winner is Social Network.  I don’t necessarily believe that this was the best film of the year, but it is definitely David Fincher’s year.

Best Actor
Javier Bardem, Biutiful

Jeff Bridges, True Grit

Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network
Colin Firth, The King’s Speech

James Franco, 127 Hours

My Prediction:  The winner is Colin Firth.  Ok, so I’ve been in love with him since A&E’s Pride and Prejudice and everyone one knows my weakness for men with accents, but I feel that his performance was nothing short of amazing.

Best Actress
Annette Bening, The Kids Are All Right
Nicole Kidman, Rabbit Hole
Jennifer Lawrence, Winter’s Bone
Natalie Portman, Black Swan
Michelle Williams, Blue Valentine

My Prediction:  The winner is Natalie Portman.  Like my Best Picture prediction, I don’t necessarily believe that her performance was the best this year (that honor SHOULD go to Annette Bening), but everyone loves a happy ending and what better ending could there be for the cute girl who fell in love on set with the film’s choreographer who also just happen to knock her up!

Best Supporting Actor
Christian Bale, The Fighter
John Hawkes, Winter’s Bone
Jeremy Renner, The Town
Mark Ruffalo, The Kids Are All Right
Geoffrey Rush, The King’s Speech

My Prediction:  The winner is Christian Bale.   All I have to say is WOW!  The Fighter is an enjoyable movie to watch especially for Bostonians, but Bale’s performance alone is worth the price of admission.    

Best Supporting Actress
Amy Adams, The Fighter

Helena Bonham Carter, The King’s Speech

Melissa Leo, The Fighter
Hailee Steinfeld, True Grit
Jacki Weaver, Animal Kingdom

My Prediction:  The winner is Jacki Weaver.   There has to be at least one upset every year!

Director
Darren Aronofsky, Black Swan
David O. Russell, The Fighter

Tom Hooper, The King’s Speech
David Fincher, The Social Network
Joel Coen and Ethan Coen, True Grit

My Prediction:  The winner is David Fincher.   Again, its Mr. Fincher’s year!

Adapted Screenplay

 127 Hours

 The Social Network
Toy Story 3

True Grit
Winter’s Bone

My Prediction:  The winner is The Social Network.  Aaron Sorkin’s witty, fast-paced script leaves the other screenplays in the dust.

Original Screenplay
Another Year
The Fighter

Inception

The Kids Are All Right
The King’s Speech

My Prediction:  The winner is The King’s Speech.   It’s an interesting, true story which was truly a pleasure to watch unfold even if you already knew the outcome.  

Cinematography
Black Swan
Inception
The King’s Speech
The Social Network
True Grit

My Prediction:  The winner is Black Swan.  No matter how much I didn’t like this movie, I must admit that it was beautiful to watch.    

Documentary Feature
Exit Through the Gift Shop
Gasland
Inside Job
Restrepo
Waste Land

My Prediction:  The winner is Inside Job.  I think that both Exit Through the Gift Shop and Inside Job were equally phenomenal, but ultimately the Inside Job about the U.S. financial collapse will win top prize.    

My Love Affair with Tattoos

My Dad always told me to never bring home a boy with an earring, a motorcycle or a tattoo.  Of course, my first husband had two out of the three, but I digress.  When I was in high school only bad boys had tattoos.  Girls, you know the type, those irresistibly hot guys that wore leather, drove motorcycles, and who you would never consider bringing home to your parents.  Tattoos just didn’t exist in the world of a good catholic girl from the ‘burbs. 

Flash forward 20+ years and tattoos are everywhere.

I got my first tattoo at the brink of turning 30 years old.  I was in Florida, visiting my dear friend Susan, for New Year’s.  And it was not just any New Year’s, but the big one baby, the turn of the century, a new millennium.  On January 1, 2000, having survived the hoopla of Y2K, a group of us went to a flea market.  It was at that flea market that I made the split decision to get a tattoo.  I felt a tattoo was the perfect way to mark a new beginning for me.  I was looking forward to a year full of great adventures….turning 30 years old, a month long trip to India & Nepal, and dating again after nursing a broken heart for the previous six months.  

It has been 10 years since that first tattoo and I currently have 10 tattoos.  And I have no regrets.  I love my ink.  Each and every tattoo has special meaning to me.  They are indelible mini works of art which are as much a part of me as my black hair or freckles.

I’ve accepted the fact that there will always be people that will have pre-conceived notions about me based on my tattoos.   I have had guys tell me that they aren’t interested in dating me because of my tattoos.  And ironically, just as many guys who want to date me because of my ink.  This fact just makes my life easier.  It’s an easy way of weeding out the bad eggs because I’m not interested in dating someone that isn’t willing to accept me for who I am.  And at the moment, I am a girl who loves tattoos.

My Magic Man

For the last 11 years, the only man who has remained a constant in my life has been my hairdresser, Troi Young.   For more than a decade, I have followed this man, from salon to salon, up and down Newbury Street.  Why you might ask?  Well, he makes magic happen.

It all started when I read a magazine article which suggested that finding a great hairdresser was as easy as asking a woman with a beautiful haircut where she got her hair styled.  At the time, I had a co-worker who had this amazing bob which was cut with such precision that she never had a hair out of place.  I asked her who her stylist was and immediately made an appointment with Troi the next day.

I was a little nervous going to my appointment.  I had just started to work in Boston and I had heard stories about Newbury Street salons.  Both the snobbery and prices of Newbury Street are legendary.  Luckily, Troi immediately set me at ease with some friendly banter and set to work on my mane. 

To see Troi work is somewhat of a sight.  He evokes the image of Edward Scissorhands as he gently moves your head back, forth and upside down.  Then he breaks out the dueling hairdryers which I won’t even try to describe.  Somehow, out of all this chaos, a thing of beauty emerges…silky, shiny, perfectly coiffed hair.  And it was at that moment that I was hooked.

Now I’m not going to lie, the cost of magic doesn’t come cheap.  But I always walk out of his salon feeling like a million bucks and to me that is priceless.

Troi Young currently works his magic at Avanti Salon, 11 Newbury Street, Boston, MA 02116.  

The Agony of Defeat

I broke down and called Jenny Craig last week.   Jenny and I go way back.  It’s the same history that I share with Weight Watchers, Aktins, Slim Fast and any other weight lost program you can name.  I’ve had success with all of them.  Unfortunately, after a little success, I get cocky and return back to my old ways and next thing you know I’ve gained everything back plus another 10 lbs.

And truthfully, my problem isn’t losing weight…its keeping it off.  I’m either on my way up or on my way down.  And let’s be honest.  We all know the key to losing weight…eat less, move more.  That’s it.  Super simple.  The problem is that doing it the right way isn’t easy.  It’s a lot of work and who wants more work.  Life is tough enough.  I know I want a quick fix which is why I am paying a visit to Jenny.  I’ll keep you posted on my progress.

Hit the Road Jack.

Once upon a time, I had a steadfast rule of never remaining friends with an ex.*  What’s the point?  The relationship ended for a reason.  Finito.  It doesn’t matter who ended the relationship or the reason it fizzled.  It’s over. Kaput.  Even when you are the one doing the dumping it’s still difficult to move on.  Do you really want to hear about his latest conquest?  Do you really want to see him flirting with that “hot” girl at the gym?  How about double dating with him and his new girlfriend?  I don’t think so.  Stick a fork in it.  Besides, I have plenty of friends.  I don’t need friends that have seen me naked. 

Then Facebook happened.  And with one click of the mouse you can reconnect with your first love, your high school crush, your college boyfriend, your ex-husband(s) and every hook-up in-between.  And I’m guilty of doing just that.  And I’ll admit that I’ve enjoyed catching up with all of them.  I like knowing that life turned out well for them.

Now some might say that I am breaking my own rule.  And I concede that in some ways I am, but there is a difference.  I have had the benefit of time.  Time to mend the pain of a failed relationship.  Time to learn that I can be happy even if I don’t have a companion to share my life with.  Time to grow into the confident woman I am today. 

That said, I still don’t want to pal around with a guy I broke up with a minute ago.  I believe that you can’t really ever move on, if you remain connected to the past.  The relationship needs a mourning period.  And, if given enough time, maybe someday a “friend” request may pop up on the screen.

*There is one exception to this rule.

Feed Me

I love great food.  And as much as I love eating, I hate to cook with equal measure.  Ok, maybe hate is too strong of a word.  I just don’t enjoy cooking.  It’s so much work and it never quite tastes as good as it does in a restaurant.  Needless to say, I’d rather leave the job of feeding me to experts in the kitchen.  I have been known to cheekily say that I make great reservations!  Little do people know that I’m not joking.  Making reservations is something I do exceptionally well…stellar, in fact.  Luckily, Boston has some world-class restaurants for me to show-off my talent.

As I mentioned in a previous post, this year, instead of my two perennial resolutions, I decided to establish ten goals for myself.   One goal that I will have no problem following through with is my campaign to eat at the top 50 restaurants in Boston as listed in the November issue of Boston Magazine (list below). I’ve been lucky to dine at the first 17 restaurants listed below which leaves 33 restaurants for me to visit within the next 360 days. I know it is quite an undertaking, but someone has to do it!   

I’ll be sure to share my dining experiences will all of you in the upcoming months.  And feel free to drop me a line if you would like break bread with me at one of these amazing restaurants!

Bon appétit!

1.        Abe & Louie’s

2.       Rocco (Closed)

3.       Coppa

4.       Market by Jean-Georges

5.       Harvest

6.       Sorellina

7.       Via Matta

8.       T.W. Food

9.       Grill 23

10.   Myers & Chang

11.   Toro

12.   Radius

13.   Troquet

14.   Pigalle

15.   Eastern Standard

16.   Hungry Mother

17.   Scampo

18.   Beacon Hill Bistro

19.   Bistro du Midi

20.    Clio

21.    Rialto

22.   Il Casale

23.   Ten Tables Cambridge

24.   Ten Tables Jamaica Plain

25.   Erbaluce

26.    Craigie on Main

27.   Uni

28.   Sensing

29.    Lineage

30.    Sportello

31.    Lumiere

32.   Hamersley's

33.    The Butcher Shop

34.    Oishi

35.   Dante

36.    Salts

37.   Neptune Oyster

38.    Menton

39.    No. 9 Park

40.    O Ya

41.   51 Lincoln

42.   Bin 26 Enoteca

43.    Bistro 5

44.   Rendezvous

45.   Parsons Table

46.    Blue Ginger

47.    L'Espalier

48.   Prezza

49.   Il Carpriccio

50.   L’Andana

Screw You, 2010.

Last year sucked for me.  The. Absolute. Worst.  It started with my divorce in February and went downhill from there.  I don’t want to bore you with the details but some of the lowlights included: aforementioned divorce, financial rock-bottom, major conflict at work, 3 failed romances, medical issues (a chronic inflamed salivary gland, com’on, really?), 3 moves within a 3-month period and a brief stint of living back home with my Dad which is still too painful for me to discuss.  Oh, and did I mention that I turned 40 years old too?  

Amazingly, I’ve managed to survive the trials and tribulations of 2010 and have emerged in the Year of 2011.  Ah, 2011!!  A new year, with a clean slate, full of hope and promise! 

Like a lot of people, I make New Year’s resolutions.  Unfortunately, like a lot of people, I’ve had the same two resolutions for the last 15 years: 1) Lose 50 lbs. and maintain the weight loss; and 2) Stop living paycheck to paycheck.  As you have probably surmised, since I have had the same resolutions year after year that I have never been able to stick to my resolutions. 

Well, this year I’ve decided to do something different.  Instead of making two absolute resolutions, I decided to be more positive and to focus on smaller, more attainable goals.  As a result I have created a list of the top ten things I want to accomplish during the next 365 days (or rather, 361 days and counting).  A lot of my goals still address my need to lose weight and save money, but in a fun way, I hope. 

TOP 10 GOALS FOR 2011

1.      Dine at the Top 50 Restaurants in Boston (Nov. 2010 Boston Magazine). *

2.      Start a blog and post at least 52 entries this year.

3.      Complete the Nantasket Beach Mini-triathlon in September.

4.      Eat healthy meals at least 5 days a week.

5.      Read at least 1 book a week.

6.      Spend more time with my friends and family.

7.      Deposit $50 a pay period into my savings account.

8.      Start taking pilot lessons.

9.      Move towards my goal of becoming a nurse by taking at least one class per semester.

10.  Send Christmas Cards this year.

So there you have it…my list, for all the world to see.  I must admit, I do have selfish motives for sharing my goals with all of you.  I figured that by putting it out there, maybe I will be more accountable about following through this year.  Needless to say, I still need the help of all of you.  Next time you see me, don’t forget to ask me about the last book I read or how my pilot’s lessons are coming along because let’s be honest, 15-year old habits will be hard to break. Besides, we can all use a little help from our friends.  

Happy New Year’s, my friends.  Cheers!

*I know that this goal totally contradicts my ultimate goals of losing weight and saving money, but a girl has to have  a little fun in her life, right?

If it quacks like a duck...

Last week I spent a day in Boston with my friend Susan's 15-year old daughter, Melissa, and Melissa's best friend, Victoria.  Out of the blue, Melissa asked me to explain what the word cliché meant.  Um, well, you know....cliché means something is cliché.  Everybody knows what cliché means, right?  Well, after awkwardly fumbling around to find the right words, I mumbled that it was something that was overused, a stereotype, you might say.  My  vague description seemed to satisfy the 15-year old.  That was a close call, I thought.

Of course, me being me, I immediately looked up the word on dictionary.com when I got home.  Turns out I was sort of right.  According to the website, a cliché is "a trite, stereotyped expression; a sentence or phrase, usually expressing a popular or common thought or idea, that has lost originality, ingenuity, and impact by long overuse."  Great.  I knocked that one out of the park.

Oddly, the next night, as I was ringing in the New Year with my friend Colette, she mentioned clichés.  She stated that you can't go wrong if you use clichés as a guide to life.  To my martini infused brain, Colette's declaration seemed perfectly sound to me and I jokingly said that for the new year I was going to live a life of clichés.

The next morning, after a greasy breakfast, and the brain fog from my NYE revelry lifted, I thought about what Colette said.  She might actually be onto something.  Does time heal all wounds?  Yeah, kinda.  Does the early bird catch the worm?  Usually.  Do those who live by the sword, usually die by the sword?  Typically.  Is what's good for the goose, good for the gander?  Always.

Turns out that some things are "overused" for a reason.  And that stereotypes are usually based on some truth.  So I'm sticking with my original plan to live a life of clichés for the next year!  I'm letting bygones be bygones and living life like there is no tomorrow because time flies when you're having fun!

When Pigs Fly....

Yes, I started a blog today.   If you told me 4 months ago that I would be blogging, I would never have believed you.  In fact, I wouldn’t even have a clue what I would write about.  And truth be told, I still don’t know what I’m going to put out there, but, alas, here I am posting my first entry.   Why, you may ask?  Well, why not?  Everybody seems to be doing it.  Yeah, I know that’s a crap answer.  In actuality, I met someone about 4 months ago who inspired me to tap into my creative side.  And this is the result.  The guy may no longer be in my life (story for another post), but at least something tangible and positive came out of the relationship.   

Now, I’m telling you up front, I’m not a writer so please don’t be too critical of my grammar, punctuation, etc.  And I don’t even know if anybody will care about my thoughts and/or the subjects I choose to write about, but honestly, I really don’t care.  This blog is for me, a challenge for me really, and maybe, hopefully, if you decide to check this space from time to time, my random thoughts will affect you in some way.   Time will tell.