Once upon a time, I had a steadfast rule of never remaining friends with an ex.* What’s the point? The relationship ended for a reason. Finito. It doesn’t matter who ended the relationship or the reason it fizzled. It’s over. Kaput. Even when you are the one doing the dumping it’s still difficult to move on. Do you really want to hear about his latest conquest? Do you really want to see him flirting with that “hot” girl at the gym? How about double dating with him and his new girlfriend? I don’t think so. Stick a fork in it. Besides, I have plenty of friends. I don’t need friends that have seen me naked.
Then Facebook happened. And with one click of the mouse you can reconnect with your first love, your high school crush, your college boyfriend, your ex-husband(s) and every hook-up in-between. And I’m guilty of doing just that. And I’ll admit that I’ve enjoyed catching up with all of them. I like knowing that life turned out well for them.
Now some might say that I am breaking my own rule. And I concede that in some ways I am, but there is a difference. I have had the benefit of time. Time to mend the pain of a failed relationship. Time to learn that I can be happy even if I don’t have a companion to share my life with. Time to grow into the confident woman I am today.
That said, I still don’t want to pal around with a guy I broke up with a minute ago. I believe that you can’t really ever move on, if you remain connected to the past. The relationship needs a mourning period. And, if given enough time, maybe someday a “friend” request may pop up on the screen.
*There is one exception to this rule.
Well said Kim, I used to follow the same rule but I guess as we get older we realize a break-up isn't always a heartbreak and it's not so hard to forgive & forget. Why hold on to bad feelings, don't let them rent that space in you heart and mind. Although I have once or twice allowed myslf to be heartbroken always knowing that I cannot be irrevocably shattered. I believe you call this the mourning period and sometimes it's neccessary (not always).
ReplyDeleteStaying in touch is so easy today, which is both good and bad, for all the reasons you say. I know I need a mourning period. But then I get a text, a dumb, innocuous text, and I end up 4 steps back and hopeful again -- only to end up hurt and disappointed -- again. So I know I need that time to not be in touch, as hard as it is, or else I can't let go. At least this is where I am right now.
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